The Only Way
by GhostWriter-1293
Summary: An impression of what went trough John's head during the season four finale.


**Just a quick note: This is my first fanfiction, which is both very exiting and scary. I'd like to apologize beforehand for any grammar mistakes. I tried my best but English is not my native language. Warning: this fic contains spoilers for the Legends Of Tomorrow season four finale. After watching the finale I found myself wondering about what John might've thought during all of this and if it brought up old memories. So I decided to write this. Constantine is my favorite DC character and I like how the writers of LOT, despite all the Legends silliness, keep John true to his character. I just hope I managed to do the same in this fic. I want to be a writer so I would love to read your feedback to this story. Most of all I hope you enjoy this fic.**

* * *

It was the only way to defeat Neron. It's what he keeps telling himself. But it doesn't make him feel any less guilty.

He knew that when he told Sara and Nate about Raymond's deal with Neron and how to break it, Nate would agree to sacrifice himself for the greater good. That's why he waited for the bloke in the library, though part of him still hoped Nate wouldn't show up. But of course, he came. Because Nate wasn't a selfish prick.

For a moment, none of them spoke as Nate arrived. Both of them just stood there in awkward and painful silence trying to avoid each other's eyes. Eventually Nate started talking in an uncertain voice.

"How do we accomplish... you know." He made a vague motion with his hand to his neck before continuing. "Neron's not gonna break his deal with Ray. So how do we even get him to kill me?"

Despite the situation, John can't help the hint of a smug grin creeping up his face. "We trick him." At this he raises his hand and as he lowers it past himself, Nate finds himself looking at his own face.

Nate stares in wonder. Then his expression becomes grim. "That would pretty cool if it wasn't for these circumstances."

John takes off the glamour spell and looks at Nate with a serious expression. "You sure about this, mate?" He already knows the answer. But he feels he should ask anyway.

Nate nods his head and looks at John with determination in his eyes. "We need to stop Neron, whatever it takes." After a moment, he smiles softly at John. "There's no better way to go out."

John feels his blood run cold when he hears that last sentence. For a moment, he's back on that stage, looking at Gaz as he's saying the exact same thing to him with pride and love in his teary eyes. Another friend he manipulated in sacrificing himself. Another friend he screwed over.

He gets pulled back to the present when Nate starts talking again. "Well, I better get ready." John nods at that and as Nate leaves the room, John reaches in to his coat, pulling out a cigarette.

* * *

While everyone was distracted by Neron opening the portal to hell, John met Nate's eyes. Nate gave him a determent nod which John acknowledged with one of his own. He really hoped everything would just work out as the legends had planned it. But deep down he knew it was inevitable.

It gave him an eerie feeling, watching Neron choke the life out Nate while he looked like him. A voice in his head tells him it should've been him. He'd bloody well deserve it.

He told Sara it was Nate's own choice, though he might have been trying to convince himself of that. Just like with Gaz. But he knows better than that.

Killing Neron felt satisfying, he has to admit that. At least it made Nate's sacrifice worth it. Yet, as he watched the legends surround Nate's corpse, he could hear his father's voice. "Killer". Thinking about his father made him realize he also broke his own deal with Hank. He promised he would keep Nate safe from Neron. But he failed him. Like he failed Gaz… and Astra.

He meant what he said to Rory's outburst. He really wished he could bring Nate back. But then out of all people, it was Hank, or rather Hank's spirit that gave them the solution. Using Tabitha's staff to channel all the energy from the love everyone put in their song, he managed to bring Nate back. He felt relieved. However, it didn't erase the guilt he still felt.

Now they're all back at the waverider. They celebrated their victory with a pizza party. Everyone was happy. Even Rory had a hint of a smile on his face every now and then. Nate did seem confused at one point as he watched Behrad stuff himself with pizza. He mumbled something about someone missing.

John excused himself from the party early. At Sara's questioning look he explained he was just knackered. She dismissed him as Ava handed her another beer.

He put Tabitha's staff in his steam trunk. Better to keep it locked up and safe from the wrong hands. After that he loosened his tie and slumps down on his makeshift bed on the couch and reaches for the bottle of whiskey he keeps on the side table.

While slowly numbing his senses with the alcohol, he hears his father's voice again. "Killer!" John shakes his head. "It was the only way." He keeps repeating that until he falls in to a restless sleep.

~End~


End file.
